


Stupid Bets and Dumber Heroes

by amo_bear



Category: Original Work
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Fantasy, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:27:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26434924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amo_bear/pseuds/amo_bear
Summary: We follow our sarcastic hero through their journey to 'save' a princess. They really should've just stayed home.





	Stupid Bets and Dumber Heroes

One week to find the princess and bring her back or I am as good as dead. What a wonderful bet I found myself forced into. I could have just been in my room watching “The Real Housewives of Houston” as I ate ice cream in my pajamas, but nope. I had to be the cocky loser to challenge Ashton Swindlehurst. I just had to be the sucker who tried to call him out on his nonsense, but that didn’t bode well for me, did it? I can’t even run the mile in under fifteen minutes. I am thinner that a light post! Doesn’t it suck to be me. 

I grumble as I climb out of the treehouse. Who even owns a stone fence anymore? Who even locks a princess in a castle? Isn’t that some medieval sexism that didn’t actually happen? You have a princess? Well just stick her in a tower and wait for eligible princes to go fight dragons and save her. You don’t even have to be a prince! 

Maybe I should have just stayed home and watched my show and waited for my eternal misery to be over. It would be so much easier dying in my vintage pajamas then doing this horse crap. Alas, I rather like living and would prefer to stay alive. Who am I even kidding? There is no way I can pull this off! I get winded climbing the stairs! 

“This is so ridiculous! Where am I even supposed to find royalty?” I ask myself. 

“I know a place or two.” I shriek and jump back. An old, crumpled man smiles at me with crooked teeth. He holds a cane in his right hand and the leash to a mule in the other. What sort of drugs were I slipped? This can not be real. I am just asleep in my room and mumbling about tacos. 

“Umm...” Such eloquent words that leave my lips. I am a literal train wreck. 

“You just have to go to a far away land. The place is called Portland and you have to rescue them from the tallest mountain.” He nods evilly to himself and cackles. I laugh in disbelief and nod. This man is crazy. Portland isn’t a far away land. What does he mean by the highest mountain? I should just ignore him. But don’t people who follow the crazy person’s advice stay alive in fairytales? I am dying either way so minus well give it a shot. 

It takes a day to get to Portland from Montana. I have six days to find this lady and get home. This should be fine. Who am I kidding? This is not fine. I followed a total stranger’s advice to find some girl in Portland. This is a totally sketchy situation! What am I supposed to do now? 

“What is the tallest mountain in Portland?” I shout out to the sky. 

“Mount Hood,” A voice says from beside me. I jump and put my hands up. A little old lady waters the flowers in her window. 

“Excuse me?” My voice cracks embarrassingly. 

“Mount hood is the tallest mountain near here,” she offers. I nod slowly. This is quite easy. I’m not sure how I should feel about that. 

“How would I be able to get there?” 

“Ask Old Ricky to take you there.” This is too easy, way too easy. I nod and thank her for the information. Old Ricky is surprisingly easy to find (suspicious) and I find myself on the mountain. What should I do from here? This is not exactly what I thought would happen. I thought that I would be fitting as much of the Housewives as I could in before death. 

I slap my cheeks and march up to a cave (suspicious that it was just there, but okay). All I have to do is find the girl, find a way to get her out, and leave. That should not be too hard. In and out. Nothing too hard, right? 

A roar fills up the cavern and instantly hundreds of stories containing dragons come back to me. The princess is usually guarded by some sort of creature, usually a dragon. I am screwed if I have to fight against a dragon. There is no way. I am going to die now. This is it. I should have just stayed home. 

“Well, here goes nothing I guess,” I mutter under my breath. I might as well just rip off the bandaid right now. I run into the open screaming and find myself face to face with a beautiful emerald dragon. Why would people kill dragons? They are so aesthetically pleasing. 

“Umm... you have, like, really pretty scales and I don’t want to kill you, but I kind of need to find the princess so I don’t die. I really want to catch up on my show. Do you think you could just show me the way to her so I can get going?” I mentally smack myself for rambling and prepare myself for death when the dragon snorts. I stare blankly as the beast turns into a princess. She has a beautiful emerald dress and a silver crown on top of her head. The princess is a dragon. 

“Are you the one that is supposed to ‘save me’?” She giggles, brown hair bouncing with her chuckles. 

“That’s what I was told.” She laughs harder at my honesty. What? Does it look like I go adventuring for fun? I am a twig. I have to run around in the shower to get wet! 

“Well then, let’s go.” 

Long story short, I won the bet and got to keep my life. Better yet, the princess and I watched “The Real Housewives of Houston” together. But what was with all those people knowing how to ‘rescue’ her though?

**Author's Note:**

> This was another creative writing work that I did. This one was for class, but it kind of made me laugh, so I thought I should post it here. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day!


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